Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Frank Howard: The Capital Punisher

Frank Howard in his pre-Punisher days with the Dodgers.

In 1965, Frank Howard joined forces with the Commanders Washington Senators to record a classic soul hit snuff out D.C.'s crime baseball problem. His mutant frame1, powered only by strange chemicals, and his ability to strike fear in weaker men's hearts earned him the moniker "The Capital Punisher." Women of the city adored him, and he was the city hero until the Senators left D.C. for Texas2. The Capital Punisher left behind only his spectacles, whose superpower was ineffective on lesser beings.

The city could only cheer for hogs thereafter.

1 Baseball Reference lists Howard as 6'7" and 255 lbs. Wikipedia lists Howard as 6'8." The Federal Bureau of Investigation is examining this discrepancy to determine if, for the first time in history, a factual inaccuracy may exist on the Internet.

2 Howard's Senators, the second such team, played in Washington from 1961-1972 before becoming the Texas Rangers. The original Washington Senators moved to the Twin Cities to become the Minnesota Twins after the 1960 season; they had played in the American League in D.C. from 1901-1960. An earlier Washington Senators club had played briefly in the National League, as had the Washington Nationals before them.


  1. Rest assured that teams of doctors from Baseball Reference and Wikipedia must've taken approved medical measurements of Frank Howard at different points in his life, yielding different results that were both correct at the time of sample. Nothing wrong on the internet here.

  2. That is a relief. I was starting to wonder if maybe we would have to talk Ossie Schrecengost into hacking the extremely secure Wikipedia data systems.